Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp? Share this quote on Facebook Send via Mail . Need some retirement card ideas for your co-worker? Some call it retirement; I call it bliss. Betty Sullivan, In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. Mason Cooley, Its paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesnt appeal to anyone. Andy Rooney, Work is the curse of the drinking classes. Oscar Wilde, The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement. Unknown, Sometimes its hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment. Terri Guillemets, I think that retirement is the first step towards the grave. Hugh Hefner, Often when you are at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. Fred Rogers, Retirement is not in my vocabulary. If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Plan the celebration with a personalized retirement plaque. 37. Others couldn't imagine not working and will retire when they die. There was no other cop on the beat. Voltaire, The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. RELATED: These Funny Comebacks And Insults Are What Our Minds Are Really Made Of. We strongly recommend that you seek the advice of a financial ", "There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Scott Elledge, Retired is being twice tired, Ive thought first tired of working, then tired of not. Gilbert K. Chesterton, Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their companies should foot the bill. Connect with peers and experts, About Quotes tagged as "retirement" Showing 1-30 of 160. Alan Lakein, 7 ways to bring your future into the present, Preparation for old age should begin not later than ones teens. Unknown, "Retire from your job, but never retire your mind." The Beatles are well-known enough to be a great choice for a retirement party. Officer: I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses. Driver: Officer, I have contacts. Officer: I dont care who you know, youre still getting a ticket.. are presented without warranty. What a great silence in the office, since we don't hear your.. really not funny jokes! An officer stops a man for speeding and notices hes not wearing his required prescription glasses. If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. Wishing you a happy retirement! 49. The police are working tirelessly to catch him. What did the police officer say to the hand? After retirement, a 30 minute walk is the best thing to do for your ailments! It's when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it." Tips On How To Save For Retirement Without A 401k, Best Places To Retire In Arizona 2020 | Retirement Communities, Memory Care Checklist: What To Ask & Look For, What is Memory Care? Discover and share police retirement quotes funny. Retired. Unknown, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou, I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. Sherriff, I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off. Many folks think they arent good at earning money, when what they dont know is how to use it. Happy retirement my dear friend. Henry Ford, Retirement is a blank sheet of paper. Know what you own, and know why you own it. I win! and drove off. Dishes. Fred Rogers The best is yet to come! Love sharing with your friends and family? Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Why did the police arrest the turkey? #5 To the man who has been my best friend for years, my partner in crime, and the love of my life, Happy Retirement! 32. John Barrymore, You know youre getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while youre down there. 54. If you are searching for funny retirement quotes, this list is for you! As she dug through her purse, she became more and more agitated. Retirement is not the end of the road. Here are some humorous options. 38. Unemployed and Loving It. Chuck Knox, Without goals and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination. 19. Gail Sheehy, "Retirement, a time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked." Act like the inner young person you have always been. J.A. George Burns, You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing. Short police sayings the police must obey the law while enforcing the law earl warren nightmares come in many forms when you re a cop c. Taylor if we hand the relief items to police we are not sure it will reach the victims abdul razzaq the height of strategy is to attack your opponent s strategy sun tzu. "Enjoy being the master of absolutely nothing.". J. Officer: I notice your eyes are bloodshot. Ruby Dee, "Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. For Your Loyal and Dedicated Service Unknown A retired husband is often a wife's full time job. When I was 65, I still had pimples. George Burns, You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. C.S. Your email address will not be published. Then its time for my nap. Bob Hope, Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too. Charles Baxter, The best thing about retirement is not having to wear pants. Mark Hewer, You might be on the back nine of life, but its good to finish strong. Morton Shaevitz, Retired is being tired twice, Ive thought, the first tired of working, then tired of not. Richard Armour, Youve heard of the three ages of man: youth, middle age, and youre looking wonderful. Cardinal Spellman, Goodbye to 9 to 5. Unknown, "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does." I'm pretty jealous of you, but needless to say, I'm happy for your retirement. Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? - Greg Tamblyn " You gain two new best friends upon your retirement. Inspirational Retirement Quotes Funny Quotes About Retirement Funny Retirement Quotes For Women Maxine Retirement Quotes Funny Life Quotes Abraham Lincoln Quotes Albert Einstein Quotes Bill Gates Quotes . Oftentimes, the words about retirement are close to depressing - they remind the retiree about the approaching senility or the loneliness of old days. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Chaparral Winds is a retirement facility in Surprise, Arizona offering assisted living, independent living, and memory care services. It means choice." Maggie Kuhn, Sooner or later Im going to die, but Im not going to retire. Officer: No, I am an undercover detective. Tourist: So, why are you in uniform? Officer: Today is my day off.. See top 10 retirement one liners. The world needs more police officers like you. only and are not investment advice. However, the following funny retirement quotes for coworkers will help to make the retiring person smile by . Retirement Wishes Continued: Think about it, now you never have to ask for a day off again. Check out our police quotes selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our prints shops. My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas. Police Quotes Police Humor Police Officer Cop Wife Police Wife Life Police Lives Matter Be My Hero Leo Love Law Enforcement which is why so few can do it well. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The real measure of your wealth is how much youd be worth if you lost all your money. You deserve a great retirement, but I know you will still keep yourself busy. Capitalize on what comes. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." - Mark Twain "Retirement: no job, no stress, no pay!" - Unknown "Retire from work, but not from life." - M.K. 62. Doris Day, How old would you be if you didnt know how old you was? Bertrand Russell, Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think youre supposed to. Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I"m home - forever." - Gene Perret " You know it's time to retire when the guys ask you if you're "getting any," you think it means sleep. Ifyou feel like theres something out there that youre supposed to be doing, it you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it. Enjoy your freedom! Add some lighthearted sarcasm and entertaining tidbits by drawing on famous retirement quotes and sayings from comedic characters, Marvel heroes, favorite reality stars, and more: Bowery King: "You're not very good at retiring. A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states. done for this department over the years! Happy Retirement! Dave Ramsey. A cop gives a woman a speeding ticket, and she wants to know why he didnt give her a warning first. SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB! the People of the City of New York. Dwight D. Eisenhower, Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now. Police departments should continue to hire individuals of the highest possible character, so that young people look at the police in their cities and towns and say, "I want to be like that." "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. Retirement is a Piece of Cake. Let me tell all of you the truth, right here and now. 2010-2023Sedona Winds Retirement CommunityAll Rights Reserved. The rolling contract was designed to specifically take away some of that retirement talk and retirement issue. Retirement is just a never ending vacation. 24. Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!". Its learning to live on less than you make, so you can give money back and have money to invest. Funny Retirement Messages for Police Officers You've served and done your hard time, now you can enjoy freedom! tools, financial products, calculations, estimates, forecasts, comparison shopping products and services In appreciation for over 31 years If you dont mind, it doesnt matter. Mark Twain, Retirement: no job, no stress, no pay! Unknown, Retire from work, but not from life. M.K. The best funny retirement wishes for coworkers and colleagues include: The days of 9-5 are past! Author Unknown, To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth. Pearl S. Buck, Dont think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire. How Much Does Assisted Living Cost In Sedona Arizona? Required fields are marked *. When Cops Retire. Obviously . Inspirational Retirement Quotes Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. Sherriff, My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii. Julius Sharpe, Retirement: worlds longest coffee break. Unknown, Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow.". Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did. 13. Carolyn Leigh and Cy Coleman, Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summers day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time. Idowu Koyenikan, Wealth for All: Living a Life of Success at the Edge of Your Ability. For more information about our senior living facility, SLS Communities or to schedule a tour, please call us today at 623-544-4777. Carolyn Leigh and Cy Coleman Jump in! So I do it three or four times a day." - Gene Perret "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income" - Chi Chi Rodriguez Mario Puzo, You can be young without money but you cant be old without it. I thought retiring was when you are tired and go to bed." Unknown, "When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Honor the dignity of the Thin Blue Line with police retirement plaque wording ideas that really mean something. Check out our funny police quotes selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our prints shops. Retiring State Trooper What is five times five?" "Wednesday," replies Jenkin man. We, the members of the NYPD, present this to you in recognition of What would you do if I stole a kiss? The perfect crime was committed last night. Anonymous Beautiful Retirement Poems Each poet examines the fundamental opposites of bliss and poison. Nothing happens by accident. An officer pulls over a man for speeding. Cop: Im going to follow you to the nearest police station. Me: What for? Cop: Ive forgotten the way. Tommy Cooper, Driver: No, officer, its Hi, how are you?'. The police are calling it an axe-i-dent. What Are The Very Early Signs Of Dementia? 1) Retirement is the beginning of the time when you can sit back and give advice to others, even though you never followed it in your own life. My dogs dont even own bikes. A Lifelong Friendship. Jean Chatzky sums it up for me: "Whether it's fly-fishing, taking your camper to the Everglades, or just traveling, everyone has got a little retirement dream. To return Click Here. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket. #6 Dear husband, good luck on your next adventure together with me! As we express our gratitude, we must never Their names are Bed and Couch. I call it bliss. Showering is Now Optional. From the movie: Judge Dredd. Funny Quotes About Retirement "Age is an issue of mind over matter. Leadership peace war world. I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me. Unknown, Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good. . I am not. 65 tips for a healthy, wealthy and happy retirement. Leonard Cohen, I need to retire from retirement. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting. comprehensive, reliable. forget that the highest appreciation is not To me, a job is an invasion of privacy. Unknown, He who laughs last at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement. Unknown, There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. Robert Half, Retirement: its nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, We make a living by what we get. Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving? It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. Before the officer can even say a word at the stop, the mandressed in a tuxedoblurts out, "Sir you have to listen to me". As one chapter ends, another begins, welcome to your new . A Russian man goes to the secret police and says, My talking parrot disappeared., I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn. Betty White. "Half our life is spent trying to find . We've found several retirement quotes and sayings that will fit their personality.